| Objective: Conquer the Tough Mudder Where: Vail Lake, Temecula, California Distance: 11 miles Obstacles: Too many to count |
Conquer the Tough Mudder! Wait a minute, what’s that whatchamacallit you say? Well, the Tough Mudder is an 11-mile adventure race mash-up of trail running, mud, and obstacles. This obstacle course tests your all-around endurance, mental grit, strength, and camaraderie.
| Not Your Typical Mud Run | Warming up on the Side of a Mountain | Designing Obstacles Must Be the Best Job! | Chernobyl Jacuzzi | Walk the Plank | Everest | Electroshock Therapy | Plan Your Visit |
Not Your Typical Mud Run
On a cold hazy morning, my friends Miguel, Dave, and Allen, head to Temecula to conquer the Tough Mudder challenge. The name of our team is – Brothas from Otha Mudders. Fog clings to the road, the climate is chilly, and our nerves are off the charts. We sign death waivers and they mark our foreheads in permanent ink (in case we’re unconscious on the roadside).
Warming up on the Side of a Mountain
Before we cross the start, we must scale a wall so we can assemble with others in our starting corral. After a pep talk and appeal to help your fellow Mudder, an air horn goes off, and the race begins.
Orange swirls from smoke bombs rapidly surround us and we trudge through muddy pools that want to keep our shoes. The course veers sharply up a steep slope to the top of a narrow, rocky ridgeline. A sandy incline slows the pace to a brisk walk.
We approach a crowd of people by the first obstacle, Berlin Walls, two sets of 12-foot walls. With teamwork and camaraderie fresh on our minds, we are at the top helping a few people up. I jump onto a toe ledge and leap until I can grab the top of the wall. Then I push my arms up until I lock my elbows and throw a leg over the top. I wait for the others to jump up and I catch their hands and yank them up a little.
Designing Obstacles Is the Best Job!
A pattern of trail running ridges and facing obstacles emerges. Each obstacle has an intimidating name, such as the Braveheart Charge, Death March, Swamp Stomp, and Kiss of Mud. The first hair-raising obstacle is a crawl over mud and under barbed wire and live wires. Other obstacles include climbing over and under log walls, running and jumping over a series of trenches. There’s crawling through pipes partially filled with muddy water, scrambling up hills with cargo nets, and crouching under cargo nets. It’s a couple miles of just trails. Then it’s back to climbing nets, balancing on beams, swinging on monkey bars over water, and swimming under barrels. After each obstacle, you feel a little more fatigued and a little less eager to start running again.
Chernobyl Jacuzzi
| CHERNOBYL JACUZZI Green “toxic waste” ice water bath with a platform in the center. |
Not all of the obstacles focus solely on physical strength. Some obstacles demand toughness while facing your fears, like the fear of insanely cold temperatures and heights.
From a distance, we spot people loading giant tubs with ice. The Chernobyl Jacuzzi is a large tub with ice cubes and water dyed to look like green radioactive waste. The person in front of me jumps in and does not emerge for some time. This is the first obstacle that makes you worry for your safety.
I jump in and swim underwater long enough so my head avoids the wooden platform in the tub’s center. When it’s time to surface, my head busts through a thin crust of ice floating at the top. Above water, I feel colder than I have ever been. All the heat in my head has left me and I am shivering to my very core. I move my arms until the end of the tub and climb free. Back on the ground, I pump my fist and jump around to thaw out. Hopefully, I can air dry once the running begins again.
Walk the Plank
| WALK THE PLANK Climb a wall up to a platform, jump 30 ft down into a pond, and swim out. |
A ginormous wooden structure looms in front. The next obstacle is Walk the Plank and you must climb to the top of the platform. I look down at the murky water 30 feet below and quickly glance at my muddy shoes on the plank. For a split-second, a dark storm cloud of dread paralyzes my mind. What have I gotten myself into this time?
The soldier on my right tells me to stop looking down and take a large step. So, I take a large step and suddenly plunge to the surface at breakneck speeds. I only have time for one thought – keep my feet together – until I break through the surface of the water. The next thing I know, I am really far below the top. I furiously flap my arms until I can take a breath. After surfacing, I swim 50 feet to the edge of the tank. Back on firm ground again, I let out a triumphant roar and start high fiving people around me.
| Bucket List Item #904: Successful cliff dive: Check! |
Along the route, there are signs that amuse and intimidate at the same time.
- The Donner Party feasted here.
- When was the last time you really earned a beer?
- At the 3-mile marker: If you were doing the Warrior Dash, you’d be done by now. But at Tough Mudder, you’re just getting started.
- Beware of velociraptor attack.
Everest
| EVEREST Sprint up a slippery quarter pipe and hopefully catch a helping hand. |
After carrying logs up a hill, running up mountains, and gliding down a water slide, Allen and I reach Everest. (We have pushed forward without Miguel and Dave because the sun is really shining and the heat is becoming oppressive.) This obstacle consists of a quarter pipe, and you have to sprint as fast as you can to the top. Fortunately, at the end of my sprint, I leap up as high as I can. Someone’s hand from the top grabs my left hand. Although my right hand is lagging, it too finds another helping hand. I swing a leg over the edge and then thank my fellow Mudders who have helped others along the course. After scaling Everest, I survey my surroundings and can clearly see that the finish line is near.
Electroshock Therapy
| ELECTROSHOCK THERAPY Sprint through a field of live wires, some of which carry a 10,000-volt shock. |
Throughout the morning, I’ve been telling everyone there’s no way I’m running through dangling live wires. However, at the Electroshock Therapy obstacle, I have a change of heart. After enduring so much, smashing every obstacle, and witnessing acts of generosity, it would be a shame to skip this.
The obstacle is a giant wooden frame with what looks like hundreds of yellow noodles hanging out to dry. On the ground are bales of hay and mud pits, there to trip you up. I charge into the gently swaying threads of evil with my head tucked between my arms. After fifteen steps, a live wire stuns my right side. You hear a loud zapping sound. It feels like someone has thrown a brick at my side, and the muscles involuntarily contract. I let out a loud howl of pain and the crowd cackles with enjoyment. Keep running and two more shocks – one on each side. I trip and fall into the last mud puddle, get up, and run out.
From there, it’s a quick jog to the finish line. The organizers hand out energy bars, protein shakes, shirts, headbands, and a cup of beer. I leave my worn-out shoes by a giant pile of muddy shoes for charity. I take a shower to wash off the layer of crusty mud that has formed on my arms and legs. With my orange Tough Mudder headband on, this is an achievement that I will always cherish. I am a Tough Mudder!
Plan Your Visit
| Vendor: Tough Mudder SOCAL #1 Location: Vail Lake Resort 38000 Highway 79 South, Temecula, CA Time: Run the Tough Mudder and conquer obstacles in 3.5 hours |